To Love Would Be an Impossiblity
by Nirvana Renegade Seiga
Summary: YAOI! Set during Jak 3. Right After Jak comes Back from the Wasteland. Torn is an alcoholic and Jak is confused. They talk it out and love appears. JakTorn.


Songfic 

NRS: Ahh, good to be back.

Blaz: And she's with another good ole yaoi songfic.

NRS: Okay, this time it's done to 'It's Been Awhile' By Staind.

Disclaimer: If I owned Naughtydog, would I be writing fanfiction right now?

WARNING: Yaoi, if you don't like, hit your browser 'BACK' button NOW.

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"Are you sure you want to do this?" Daxter asked one more time as they walked out of the Sewers and into the war torn streets of the Business District.

"As sure as I can be at the moment." Jak replied quietly and walked up to a barrier. He raked his hand across it and Samos smiled from the other side. Keira walked up next to him and laid a hand on her father's shoulder.

"See Keira? I told you I could sense Jak's energy!" Jak gave a half-smile and Keira gave one in return. The renegade listened to Samos as Keira mouthed words to him. Directions through the Sewers, no doubt.

Samos finished talking and Jak turned to leave.

"Jak, he needs you." The blonde snarled.

"I don't want him!" Daxter and Keira shared a look.

"Find us soon." She whispered and Jak walked back into the Sewers.

&&&& Naughty Ottsel &&&&

"Damn1" Torn cursed and lifted his dripping hand to his face. His broken whiskey bottle was on the floor and his hand was currently dripping fresh blood.

He cursed again and hopped over the bar to the sink. He gently pulled out the shards of glass and rested his hand on the cool marble as the water gently washed over it.

His communicator went off and it floated up to his face. His blue eyes narrowed at the thing.

"He's back." Keira said simply and she half-smiled. Torn's eyes narrowed.

"Why? And how?"

"He says to save the world. I say-"

Torn sharply cut her off, his eyes dark. "Keira, he hold nothing for me and we all know it. Why prevent the inevitable? I'm sorry, but it's the truth." He reached up with his uninjured hand and punched the END button.

His hand had stopped bleeding and he gauzed it up, ignoring the sting of rough cotton.

Torn looked up as he heard the door creak open.

"Ahh, the Naughty Ottsel! Honey, I'm home!" Torn walked up and set his trademark smirk on, his eyes never betraying the pain he felt for the one that was there.

"Jak? I'd never thought I'd see you again."

The renegade managed a smile and Daxter looked around, trying to ignore the tension in the room.

"Torn! What are you doing to me place?"

"We needed a Southern HQ for the war. Plus, I kinds like the Ottsel Sign out front." He suddenly said sarcastically, a mad grin on his face.

"Yeah…. It's cool… isn't it?" Daxter seemed not to notice that sarcasm was dripping off Torn's words.

"We use it for target practice." Torn grinned and Jak suddenly knew why the smell was so familiar. And why torn looked like he had taken on a whole Army of Dinosaur Metal Heads with only his sword.

He had been drinking.

Heavily.

And it had been HARD whiskey.

Torn yawned and Jak winced at his ragged appearance. Dark cicles were buried under his eyes, (though they looked like part of his tattoos), his hair was a mess and his clothes rumpled like he had slept in them, (which he probably had.)

"Torn, are you-" The older elf cut him off.

"No. Look, we're all sorry for what Veger did."

"We just saw Veger. He's trying to use Precursor technology to reach the Catacomb…"

Torn snorted. "He was always one monk short of a choir. Anyways, we have bigger problems now. Veger sent me on a suicide mission through the Port. We got separated from Freedom HQ and now KG and Metal Head forces are squeezing us from both sides." Jak wondered is Torn was trying to yank pity from him.

He sighed and walked over to a large computer an hit a flashing red button.

"Uh oh, speak of the devil and they shall appear. A few Bomb Bots have been spied near the border and they're heading this way."

Torn looked up at Jak. "Go get 'em hero."

That comment stung Jak and Torn knew it. "We'll be back." He bit out and stalked out the door.

Torn sat down and his communicator floated in front of him as Keira's scowling face glared at him.

"Put down that whiskey bottle." She ordered and he complied. "Now, why are you drinking again? Jak's back."

Torn sighed. "Keira, that's just it. He's back and I don't know what to do with myself."

She smiled at him. "A) Go kick some ass or B) Go and talk to Jak. DO SOMETHING!)

He stared at her. "Bitchy, aren't we?"

She glared at him and clicked off.

The door opened and Jak walked in, his short blond hair bristled.

"We need to talk." He grabbed the rebel leader and dragged him to the storage room in the back.

"About what?" Torn snapped, wrenching himself from Jak's grip.

_It's been awhile  
Since I could  
Hold my head up high_…

"About us."

Torn narrowed his eyes. "There is no 'us.' That possiblity died when you said, and I quote, 'How can I love a man where there is a woman who holds that spot?'"

He glared at the younger elf who kept his head bowed.

_And it's been awhile  
Since I first saw you…_

"Torn, do you remember when we first met?" Jak asked quietly.

"Yeah, I think I tried to kill you." Torn snapped.

"No, when we actually _met_. When you weren't trying to kill me."

_And it's been awhile  
Since I could stand  
On my own two feet again…_

Torn blinked. "Oh, yeah, I do remember." Jak looked up and rubbed his eyes.

"I told you that I was possibly falling for you. And—"

Torn cut him off. "And two weeks later you told me you couldn't love me."

_And it's been awhile  
Since I could call you…_

Torn turned around. "Jak, Keira doesn't and will never love you the way I spot." He snapped quietly and left.

Jak looked at the place where Torn had been standing just minutes ago.

'He may love me, but I cannont.'

_And everything I can remember  
As fucked up as it all may seem…_

The Wastelander left without a word and walked outside, staring at the night sky. 'What have I done? Why do I continue to push him away?'

_The consequences that are rendered  
I stretch myself beyond my means…_

A sad smile crossed his face as he remembered the way he and Daxter used to play near the edge of the Forbidden Forest; jumping away whenever a snake or lurker slithered along. Baring fangs that dripped with poison.

_And it's been awhile  
Since I could say  
That I wasn't addicted…_

Jak frowned slightly as he remembered going over to Misty Island, three and a half years ago.

If they hadn't gone, hadn't tripped over the stupid Precursor junk, turning Dax into an Ottsel… Then he would have never been here… Falling in love with the Commander.

_It's been awhile  
Since I could say  
I loved myself as well…_

(**How can you care so much about him!)** Dark snarled in Jak's mind. (**He said that you didn't love him! Isn't that true?)**

"Very. It's just as he said. The possibility left when I left."

_And it's been awhile  
Since I've gone and  
Fucked things up  
Just like I always do…_

Jak looked up at the stars again as Torn looked at the blonde renegade from the doorway. A bottle of whiskey in his hand.

Torn looked at the liquor and sighed. He closed it and tossed it into the ottsel.

_And it's been awhile  
But all that shit_

_Seems to disappear  
When I'm with you..._

Jak turned around at the noise and regarded the older elf with mild distate.

Torn stared at him and a pained smile crossed his face.

_  
Why must I feel this way?  
Just make this go away  
Just one more peaceful day…_

Torn sighed. 'I have to do this sometime.'

"I spent two months wishing you'd come back." Daxter scampered off Jak's shoulder and walked down to the Gun Course. "I spent the rest of three months loosing myself in a bottle, telling myself that I never had feelings and neither had you."

He looked at his bandaged hand and clenched it, crimson staining the white.

_It's been awhile  
Since I could  
Look at myself straight…_

"Torn I—" Jak started and stopped looking at his armored wrists. "Torn, what I said… I talked to Keira earlier before I came here. She's with Jinx and her love for me went only as far as brotherly love could go. You're right." He looked at the commander. "She never could love me like you do." He admitted and fingered his Mar pendent.

_And it's been awhile  
Since I've seen the way  
The candles light your face…_

Torn laughed bitterly. "You do know that she's been trying to get us together since Praxis's death, right?" He said as the lamp lighter drove on his zoomer, lighting the candle lamps around town. Jak's face was lit in the glow of the candles and Torn rubbed his eyes.

Jak chuckled too and he leaned against the outside of the building and Torn on the doorframe.

"Really? Conniving woman."

_And it's been awhile  
But I can still remember  
Just the way you taste…_

A couple strode by, holding hands and Jak smiled slightly. He grasped the commander's bloodied hand and brought it to his face.

He kissed Torn's palm and looked up.

"When Spargus rarely received news from Haven City, I always wished that you were the messenger."

Torn blinked as the effects of alcohol weared off. 'Okay, feelings… how do I show you?'

_And it's been awhile  
But I can still remember  
Just the way you taste…_

Torn was pretty sure he was semi-drunk and he wanted to do what he always wanted to do.

He leaned foreword and captured the younger elf's lips with his own.

_And everything I can remember  
As fucked up  
As it all may seem to be  
I know it's me…_

Jak stumbled back, but Torn was quicker; wrapping an arm around his waist and puling him closer, slipping his tongue into Jak's awaiting mouth.

The blonde stopped his efforts and lightly rested his hands on the taller elf's hips.

Torn pulled back and looked at Jak.

_I know it's me  
I cannot blame this on my father  
He did the best he could for me…_

"I don't show my feelings." He growled. "I act on them."

Torn turned around and walked inside, Jak staring after him.

_It's been awhile  
Since I could  
Hold my head up high…_

"Where are you going?" Jak called and Torn smirked over his shoulder.

"My room. Wanna come?" Torn left before Jak got to answer. Jak smiled up at the stars one last time.

"Maybe there is a choice to make." And he turned around, locked up the Naughty Ottsel and walked upstairs.

_And it's been awhile  
Since I said, "I'm sorry"_


End file.
